Attraction Information

The acquaintance crush: is this love or friendship - attraction


He's your good friend. She's your best confidant. You have known each other for a few years and have collective meals, movies, hobbies and vacations. You have confided to each other about your most up-to-date love advantage and crooked to one an added for assist when the relationship(s) failed. You can't conceive of life exclusive of your good friend.

But for a while. . . .

You've felt jealous of his dates. You've been selfish of her since she has been since the jerk. You've been having very biting feelings of attraction and a appeal for a little more than friendship. Could it be that your feelings for him/her have grown into a bit more? If so, your bond may have urban into a "friend crush".

You don't know what to do. You know you want to carry on expenses time together- more time. But it's being paid hard. You dream about having more with this character and are commencement to feel like a jealous would-be partner. Do you pretend the whole lot is the same? Do you start estrangement yourself- eager your feelings will go back to the way they were? Do you in point of fact TALK candidly and honestly with your ally about how you feel?

What will come to pass to the bond if you make the WRONG choice?

Just as all colonize are unique, so are the characteristics of their relationships with others. There is no one-size-fits-all fulfil to this increasingly conventional dilemma. So, let's take a look at your options. You can:

* disregard your feelings, keep your boundaries in check and pretend the whole thing is condition quo

In order to decide on this option, you must be able to deny your feelings so well that even you don't know what they are. You will also have to carry on being comfortable on the sidelines while a big cheese else has the connection with this character that you desire. You will most liable be asked what you think of this or that character and be estimated to be happy and compassionate of your alone when they meet the right a big shot for them. In come again for all this, you will still have your friend.

* begin to spend less time with your associate (crush) while looking for out new friendships to pursue and strengthen

This alternative will most possible cause awkwardness and hurt on the part of your associate who will admiration what happened. They may be accepting and accommodating of your need to allot your wings and aid you in doing what you need to do. Any way, you will see less of them and your affiliation can damage and perchance depart all told as they move on with new people. If you can coldness physically for a while and no longer feel the romantic butterflies, you can all the time give them a call and may be able to pick up anywhere near where you left off.

* carry on the bond with your own clandestine agendas - a ask for romantic relationship and the hope that the anyone will accomplish that they feel the same way

If they be converted into caught up with a big name else in the meantime, you can work to sabotage their new association or you can leave them wondering where all your anger and hurt feelings are advent from. You can spend a lot of time and energy behavior it this way, lacking everything to show for your labors but the loss of a good friend.

* have an open and decent chat with your alone about your new feelings for them

This is the array that seems to be the hardest for folks to make. Often what I hear from colonize in this attitude is that they fear "ruining the friendship" if they chat about their feelings honestly. While this is a very understandable concern, it isn't well attention out. It is emotional, not rational. Look again at the other options. Every one will bring about a alter in your contemporary friendship.


Once your feelings have changed, so does the relationship. Ignoring them, beating them or division by hand will lower your familiarity and the categorical dynamics that flow amid good friends. You can't go back. You need to choose how you want to move accelerate or if this is an opportunity for you. . It is also feasible in choosing this alternative that you will learn that they have akin feelings for you that they were anxious to reveal. Hence choosing this alternative could consequence in romance and a love connection based on true friendship.

Intimacy exists in all close relationships. It is the capability to be entirely open and vulnerable to a different lacking fear of harm or rejection. So, by definition, we cannot be intimate with a new while hitting or denying our true feelings and needs to them.

The alternative will constantly be yours. Choosing judiciously is about actually calculating the options, the penalty they bring and what will be best for you and your friend.

Toni Coleman is a accredited psychoanalyst and association coach in classified custom in McLean, Virginia. She specializes in effective with singles that want to conceive lasting, intimate relationships. Toni has over 20 years of post-masters come across in affiliation psychotherapy and instruction with singles and couples. She is the come to grief and Leader of LifeChange Education and Consum-mate Association Coaching. She residential and teaches the Creating Lasting Relationships Training, a tele-workshop considered to help singles to define, instigate and accomplish their life and connection goals. She has also on paper abundant email module for singles on all aspects of meeting, dating and relating. She is the dramatist of the email newsletter, The Art of Intimacy, which goes out to thousands of subscribers monthly. http://www. consum-mate. com

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