Women and bad boys: what is the attraction? - attraction
If you're a woman, you may be maxim "hmmm" as you hear these words. You know you shouldn't, but you just can't help yourself.
There is just A little about these guys that draws you in, even as your head tells you to "beware"!
So, what faithfully is the attraction? It's not automatically that they are more physically appealing or smarter or more booming than the "nice guys". In fact, they can have fewer of these qualities, yet be harder to resist.
So what is it? Let's begin by crucial these guys. This term is in the main useful to males who treat women poorly. Do these behaviors ring a bell?
*calling at 8:30 on a Saturday night to ask if you want to get together
*not viewing up for a date- followed by no phone call or apology
*never having any money when you are out
* forgetting or ignoring your birthday and other central dates
*flirting openly with other women when you are together
*hitting on your good friend(s)
*making booty calls at 1am, after they've had a night out with others
*is doing time for a considerable felony
Instead of asking "what is it about these guys"; let's as a replacement for appraise what it is about the women who can't resist them. The next are concrete statements from women who have a account of attraction to these guys. See if any of these sound familiar.
* "It's never BORING with him. He's unpredictable and exciting. "
* "He's strong, aggressive and self-assured; I feel safe with him. "
* "It's not his fault; he's demanding to get his life together. "
* "I haven't met anybody else that makes me feel the way he does. "
* "He's so charming and passionate. "
* "He tells me how much he likes me, so he must certainly feel a little for me. "
* "He needs me. "
* "He doesn't come crosswise as needy and desperate. "
* "I can't deem I've attracted a celebrity like him. "
Now, on the face of these, they seem appealing benign. We all seek at least some of these character in the men we choose. So, where's the problem?
Essentially it's in his incapacity to meet the woman's deep-seated needs. She is the one doing all (or most) of the giving. The distrust then lies in; "what's in it for her?"
The come back with can be found by exploring three basic issues:
*level of self-esteem
*capacity for intimacy
*roles that she has been in all the way through her life
If a woman feels good about herself, she chooses a mate who communicates both verbally and non-verbally to her that she is valued and respected. She won't allow this other being to damage her activist self-worth. She believes in her capacity to participate in a healthy, equal relationship.
If she doesn't feel good about herself, she chooses a big name who reinforces her destructive self-beliefs.
If a woman is accomplished of true intimacy, she is open to the true availability of the other person. She wants him to be a full and effective participant in the relationship. She can allow herself to be open, vulnerable and able to take as well as to collect all that true confidence offers.
If relationship is difficult, she decide a big name who is distant, hard to associate with and not emotionally and/or physically available.
If a woman has had a fit role in her relationships since childhood, she will desire a big shot with whom she can carry on this good for your health interaction.
If a woman has been too long in the role of rescuer, caregiver or the one who sacrifices for the good of others, this will in all probability be the role she will seek out in her relationships.
Fortunately, most women fall anywhere in among on these issues. So the task is to evaluate manually in each area and come to a decision on a course of action of achievement that will help you to decide on a "nice guy", who stirs your senses and meets your needs while being truly free for a real relationship.
Begin with an assessment of what you value most in life and cannot live without.
Go to http://www. consum-mate. com/newslets/02oct. htm for an critique on "clarifying and existing your values".
Once you know what is most critical to you and deem that you are commendable of achieving it, you will have taken a giant step towards conclusion the right partner for you.
Toni Coleman, MSW is a approved psychoanalyst and connection coach with over 20 years of experience. As a accepted expert, Toni has been quoted in many local and countrywide publications including: The Chicago Tribune and The Orlando Sentry newspapers and Category Circle, Woman's Day, and Star magazines. She has been featured on ABC News; Discovery Healthiness Canal and AOL Online. As a weekly contributing commentator on the KTRS Radio Cock-crow Show, (St. Louis, MO), Toni offers dating tips and association guidance in answer to listener feedback. Toni founded Consum-mate. com in 2002 to offer singles the acquaintance and tools they need to find and sustain healthy, lasting love relationships. She is a appendage of The Worldwide Coach Federation, and The Global Alliance Of Coaches.
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